


Getting Medieval on Your Ape

by Four_Nostril



Series: The Ape-creatures Series [5]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Art, Bad Puns, Chains, Cover Art, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Dungeon, F/M, Geology, History, Humor, Interspecies Sex, M/M, Medieval History, Other, Sexual Humor, Snowballing, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:27:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Four_Nostril/pseuds/Four_Nostril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time to get in trouble on a new planet! But that planet is not new, that's the earth from way back. Kirk chained to the wall, with his pants down. Now who would do such a thing?<br/>Art by Karl Johnsson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Deer in the Headlights

**Author's Note:**

> Authors note: Yeah, it's Lily-Lee again. If you don't know her, you can picture her as an Australopithecus with a good brain and a four-nostriled sense of chemical analysis. If you want more details, check out "The four-nostriled creature" (M-rated).

–***–

"Captain, I fail to understand why you do not simply order the chemical analyst to join the landing party. She is undisciplined, but I do not believe she will disobey a direct order."

"I know, I know, Spock. Lily-Lee is . . . different. If I ordered her to come, she would come, but she would sulk and be obstinate and most importantly: she would not do a good job. I need to persuade her and make her WANT to beam down."

"I have witnessed her ability to get out of assignments she finds undesirable."

"Remember that we just signed her up _en route_ unofficially, she never attended Starfleet academy."

"It is very likely that she would not have been accepted there, had she applied."

"Hm. Smooth-talking is not your strong side, Spock. Leave this to me, okay?"

Breakfast seemed like a good opportunity. Kirk carried his tray over to the table where the hairy little creature was sitting, next to McCoy. She had her feet tucked in under her and was taking apart a head of romaine lettuce leaf by leaf, dipping them in egg yolk. McCoy's plate was already empty and he was sipping his second cup of coffee.

"Morning, Bones. Morning, Lily-Lee. Enjoying your food?"

"Mornin', Jim."

"Good morning, captain. I sure am. What are you having?"

"Oatmeal and celery, by the looks of it." Kirk sighed a bit. It was not his choice. He sat down across the table from her and decided to go straight ahead. _First step: establish sympathy._

"I wish I could have a breakfast I could enjoy."

"Well, why can't you? I think that food synthesizer thingy is the best invention you humans ever made."

"Ask the doctor there, it's his orders." _Try to get her to defend my side in a discussion . . ._

"Poor boy. Doc here had bacon and eggs."

"I call that unfair." _Perfect start, now she will want to do something for me, to make it better. But what? I am going to suggest something. But compliments first._ "Did I ever get the chance to tell you that how glad I am to have you on the ship?" Kirk didn't even look at his breakfast, the tray was pushed to the side and he had his arms crossed on the table, aiming his whole attention at Lily-Lee. She looked up and stopped chewing.

"Sure you did, captain, you even said I could have a uniform."

"You deserved it, and much more. You are unique, we never met a being like you before. I feel there are things you can do that no one else could ever attempt." Kirk unfolded his arms and reached across the table to take Lily-Lee's hairy hand. He took it and held it between his, stroking it lightly with his thumbs, looking at the fingers as if they were they only things in the world that existed right now. McCoy glanced at Kirk over the rim of his coffee mug.

"No other captain in the fleet has been so lucky." Kirk looked straight into Lily-Lee's eyes and she looked back with her eyes wide open. He leaned forward over the table and tightened the grip on her hand. She swallowed. He was silent for a notable long time, and then he spoke in a low voice.

"I'm going to ask you to do something with me."

"Sure, I'll fuck you. Right now, here on the table."

McCoy sprayed his coffee over the table and laughed. Everybody in the room was looking in their direction. Kirk let go of her hand and leaned back in his chair, at a loss for words.

"That . . . that was . . . not what I was going to ask!"

"It sure sounded like it, Jim. I've heard you use that tone of voice before and I'll vouch for it. That is EXACTLY what it sounded like." McCoy was mopping up his coffee with some napkins. Lily-Lee was rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands and blinking.

"Tone down those hazel light beams, then. Don't they have a milder setting?"

"I should have warned you, little lady. The captain only comes with two settings; stun or kill." McCoy was still chuckling and walked over to refill his mug.

"As your punishment for being stunning like that, I'm taking your celery stalks."

"Go ahead, take them."

"So what were you going to ask?"

"Will you join the landing party with me? We will need to perform a thorough chemical analysis of the minerals and soil." He couldn't think of any way to sugar coat it.

"Hm. Sounds pretty dangerous." Lily-Lee was biting into the celery when McCoy came back.

"Bones, help me out here. How can I persuade her?"

"Easy. New planet, new smells."

Lily-Lee got up from the table. "I'm convinced. So when do we go?"

–***–


	2. Dungeons and Drugs

–***–

In the middle of the night, when no light reached down into the dungeon, Spock woke up from a slight scratching sound. Rats? No, louder. The conclusion was inevitable.

"Captain, doctor, wake up!" Kirk was shackled to the wall next to Spock, asleep on his feet but McCoy had been left on the floor because of his injuries. Kirk raised his head, McCoy just groaned. It was hard to tell if he was awake. The noise increased and got closer, coming from some place high up on the opposite wall. Something fell on the floor, a bag of some sort?

"Hsst. Anybody here?"

"Lily-Lee, is that you? I can't see a thing!" Kirks voice was clear and strong, so he was in pretty good shape considering the circumstances.

"Captain? Are you alone or are the others with you? I have been looking all night."

"I'm here with Spock and McCoy, I don't know what happened to ensigns Jacobsen and Khaled." Kirk could hear her bare feet walk across the floor towards his voice until he felt her outstretched hands on his thighs. "Yes, that's me. Spock is to my left, McCoy is on the floor to my right."

"On the floor? Hey, what's up, doc? Doc? What's the matter? I smell blood, but it's two days old." She leaned down and ran her hands across the unconscious body of the doctor. When she reached the chest, he flinched and groaned. Spock answered her question.

"Before he passed out he diagnosed himself with broken ribs and possibly a punctured lung. The doctor was no longer in possession of his medikit and he has not received any medical treatment, except for not being shackled along with us."

"Damn, damn, damn. I'll see what I can do, but it won't be much. Listen, I'll go out again but I'll be back as soon as I can."

It was hard for Kirk to tell how time passed in the dark, but Spock was able to inform him that Lily-Lee had been gone forty-five minutes, and later one hour and thirty-six minutes, and two hours and one minute and Kirk was just getting ready to ask again when he saw a dim light. The light got stronger and turned out to be a pig-bladder lamp attached to a rope. The lamp was lowered slowly from a hole and carefully placed on the floor. After the lamp came the bag, and after the bag came Lily-Lee.

"Water first, I suppose? She got a jug and a scoop and came over to the two standing men. She couldn't reach their mouths, so she used an overturned bucket as a stool to stand on. Next to Spock were some kinks in the masonry that she could climb on. "I have some salted fish here. If you like to keep to your vegetarian diet even under these circumstances, I can feed you carrot slices."

"Thank you, I would appreciate that." Lily-Lee got a knife out and alternated between feeding Spock and Kirk small pieces each. They weren't starving yet, it had only been two days. McCoy stirred and looked up at them.

"That - *cough, cough* - that carrot is not orange." His voice was faint and rasping. Lily-Lee jumped down from the bucket and ran up to him.

"No, it's white. They must have had different [cultivars](http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Daucus_carota#mediaviewer/File:CarrotDiversityLg.jpg) way back then. Let that be the end of the agricultural debate for now. How bad are your injuries?" She sat down on the floor and took his head in her lap. His forehead was wet with sweat.

"Not as bad as I feared. The lungs are intact but the ribs . . . hurt like hell. It stops me from breathing properly and . . . the wounds are getting infected. You didn't . . . find my kit, did you?"

"No. All I could get was this." She took out a small carved wooden jar from the bag. She twisted the lid to open it and McCoy saw a black thick substance. "I broke into the priory's medicine cabinet. Most of the stuff there are just superstition, but this is useful."

"What is it, Bones?"

"Lily-Lee found opium paste, probably real Persian produce. Dangerous stuff, I think I'd rather be in pain."

"Hardly. I'm going to have to clean out your wounds. With soap and water and a brush. This brush."

After that persuasion, McCoy followed her suggestion and ate some paste. Soon, he felt no pain and she could move him to take care of his wounds. She wrapped him in clean bandages and put his torn clothes back on to hide them. He was asleep, or in a stupor.

"There is still a bit of candle left. Do you want some more food?"

"I don't suppose you can get us out?"

"No. Water?"

"May I point out that we are due for trial tomorrow. It will be easier to escape when we are taken out of the dungeon. Supposing we can be provided with food and water in the meantime."

"I agree with Spock, just hang in there."

"This is not the time for stupid puns." Kirk looked annoyed.

"Excuuse me! Just trying to distract you." Lily-Lee packed up the bag and looked up at Spock.

"You are pretty helpless there, aren't you?"

"Your surmise is correct."

"Do you remember how hard I used to try to sample you? Your chemical composition is so delightfully different, but you always evaded me." Lily-Lee climbed up on the kinks in the wall so she could get close to Spock's ear and whisper. His ear was so close she almost touched it with her lips and her whispers invaded his personal space. "I could lick you now and you would not be able to stop me."

–***–


	3. ART by Karl Johnsson, Kirk in Chains, Spock Gets a Whisper

[ ](http://s36.photobucket.com/user/Four-Nostril/media/medievil_zps21005d08.jpg.html)


	4. Deep Waters

–***–

"I will ask you not to do that." Spock's voice was cold and steady. Kirk turned his head and looked at them.

"Not do what? What are you talking about? Spock?" Kirk could not hear Lily-Lee's low voice as she continued.

"I could lick your neck right now. I could take the tip of your warm ear in my mouth and get a proper taste. You have some very long fatty acid chains in your sebum that I would just LOVE to try. Desert creature, eh?"

"I am making my request a direct order."

"Do you know what else I could do? I could climb down and unbutton your trousers . . ."

"No."

"But I could. You can't move your hands nor feet more than a few centimetres, I could have you all to myself and take my time to get a taste of your s . . ."

"NO!"

"But I'm not going to." Lily-Lee saw Spock close his eyes with a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I heard that. No hidden disappointment in that sigh. You really don't want to."

"No, I do not." Spock's voice was controlled again.

"I know what you really want. You want the captain, don't you? You can't fool me, I have smelled your fingerprints on his door and your body temperature goes up when he stands close. Grandma knows."

"You are mistaken."

"No, I'm not. I'm going to do something for you, because I like you. Have you ever seen his erection? No? I have. It's worth seeing, I tell you." Lily-Lee lowered her voice even further. "I'll show it to you. I'm going to blow him while you watch."

"What are you saying?"

"Oh, you heard me. Then I'll suck it until he comes in my mouth and I'll climb back up here and let you taste it. Come on Spock, I can tell that you want him. Just say yes and you will get to see him, haven't you waited long enough?"

Lily-Lee was getting warmer, all her white swirls going pink, while Spock blushed green all over his face. He paused, swallowed once, and then he nodded.

"Spock, Lily-Lee, what is going on? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, just Spock trying to convince me not to sexually assault my superior officer, but he was not successful." She climbed down from the wall and came over to Kirk.

"That joke was better than your last one. Hey, what are you doing?"

"Taking off your trousers."

"You can't do that!"

"No, you're right, I can't, not with those shackles. But I can pull them down to your knees like this."

"Holy . . . why do you . . . hey not the underwear, stop that, I . . ."

"Not shaved anymore? Nice."

"Please, Lily-Lee, don't do that . . . Spock is here."

"Oh, I'm sure he's discreet. Sorry I can't get you a larger audience, but McCoy is unconscious. I promise to keep my eyes open so I can see you all the time, and . . . and will you look at that, it's already hard and I didn't even touch it."

"Oh god."

"Mm-hmm." Lily-Lee wasted no time getting her mouth around him.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. This is not a good time for this."

"But some other time would be? Not a very convincing "no"."

"Spock, I'm sorry you have to see this, it must be embarrassing. Help me convince her, Spock, can you . . ." Kirk turned to his side to look at Spock but could not speak any further. Spock's eyes were like glowing black embers staring right into his soul. Never in his whole life had he seen eyes with an expression like that. They pulled him in and swallowed him whole. Kirk felt seen, accepted, wanted, desired. The intensity and surprise made him come all at once.

The candle in the pig-bladder lamp was on its last flicker and they all looked at it as it went out. The dungeon was dark. Lily-Lee climbed up the kinks again to find Spock's face. She expected him to turn his head away in disgust, because this was just her way of teasing him. He didn't even like to be touched. To her surprise, he did not avoid her, but faced her to put his lips on hers.

A waterfall flowed into her mind.

Spock sucked hard on her mouth and put his tongue in to taste every drop, and he entered her mind. Without asking, without permission, he came in like a spring flood, tearing boulders and logs down into the water, flowing into every corner, trying to find what he was looking for. There, there it was, still in the short-term sensory memory, only twenty-seven seconds old, the full experience of Jim. Not yet analysed or transferred to long-term memory, not yet refined or selected but everything. Spock pulled into his own mind the feel of Jim, his dimensions, texture, the touch of his stubble against Lily-Lee's upper lip. He absorbed ten thousand details about the chemical composition that he could not use or store with his own mind but he took them in anyway. He wanted all of it. All of Jim.

Lily-Lee fell down on the floor, dizzy and disoriented. She crawled over to the drain in the corner and threw up.

"Dodjojupoptot vovatottotenon, alolloldodelolesos foforor dodjojupoptot vovatottotenon."

"What was that? Lily-Lee, what are you doing? Spock, can you see anything?" Spock did not answer him.

"I'm going to be all right, captain, I just . . . got in over my head, that's all. I should go now." She managed to find the bag, and the lamp, and climbed back out again with the rope to guide her.

"Lily-Lee, get back here! Don't leave me with my pants down! Hey! Oh hell!"

–***–


	5. It's a Miracle!

–***–

"Where am I?"

"Glad to see you wake up, doctor. Let me give you a briefing. You are awakening from an opium-induced stupor that has lasted eight hours, twenty-four minutes and ten seconds. We are at the moment in the dungeon of a courthouse, awaiting trial. The place is the hanseatic town of Visby, in the Baltic region of earth, at some point between 1125-1345 a.d., based on the information at hand."

"I'm the one that needs a re-briefing! Bones, I know you are injured, but is there any possibility that you can get up and help me with my pants?"

"Well, I'll give it a try . . . ow!" McCoy rolled over on his side and tried to get up on all fours. It took some time and grunting, but he did it. Eventually he was standing on his own two feet, a bit pale in the face but looking a lot better than yesterday. He tried lifting his arms and bending his back. Painful but possible. "So what happened to your pants?"

"Will you postpone the gymnastics and please just pull them up."

"There, better?"

"Thank you."

"So what else happened while I was out?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Not the . . . guards . . . was it?" McCoy looked concerned.

"What, no! Just Lily-Lee and her strange sense of humor."

"That I can believe. She did an adequate job of the bandages, though, considering the circumstances. She hasn't been back? No? That is a very lumpy pillow she got for me."

"Make no complaints about the quality of your pillow, Bones. Spock and I have been standing against this wall since we got here."

"Oh-ho, I take it back. It's not a lumpy pillow, it's a remarkably soft packed lunch."

The mood of the prisoners improved even more when a jovial-looking guard came down and unlocked their shackles so that they could sit on the floor. He also talked a lot but without a universal translator available, it was impossible to say exactly what he meant.

"I can not be certain, but my temporary conclusion is that we are allowed to rest for a while before we are taken up to the court room." Spock was looking closely at the door and the hole in the ceiling, which turned out to be the drain from the room above, placed right above the drain in their own floor.

"I thought for certain there was going to be torture involved. I guess we were just chained to keep us from escaping."

"Yes, and after inspecting our surroundings, this place appears to be not so much a dungeon as a cellar, albeit with chains."

–***–

The courtroom was small and crowded. It was summer, and there were no glass in the open windows. A breeze with a hint of sea passed through the room and set the hat feathers of the more affluent citizens waving. Kirk had rather expected them to be the main attraction, and was surprised to find that their case was just one in a line of several to be decided this afternoon. People came up to stand in front of the judge (or mayor?), stated their case and was given a verdict, and went off. It was pretty calm and not very dramatic. Kirk mentioned it to McCoy.

"Yes, it struck me the same way. Their statements are pretty short, too, but I guess the magistrate there is informed of the cases beforehand. Looks like we're next."

The three of them were urged to stand up and walk forward, and a man in a green tunic made a long and perhaps eloquent statement that resulted in oohs and aahs from the crowd.

"Spock, do you have any idea what he said?"

"Only a vague impression. I think that even though we caused a large traffic accident, causing the death of two of our own men and one salt merchant, the first accusation point is that we have tried to avoid paying import tax."

"Tax evasion? Are you kidding?"

"No, they insist that every merchant that enters a hanseatic town must go through customs, and we did not do so."

"But we are not merchants!"

"They are of a different opinion and have placed all our untaxed merchandise in that box."

All of their equipment; phasers, communicators, tricorder, medikit, translators, were neatly placed in a crate on a bed of curly wood shavings. It looked like a shop display.

"So now what, we plead guilty and try to pay, or . . ." Kirk was interrupted by the sight of three dead men being carried in on stretchers and propped up against the wall. The bodies were in pretty bad shape after having been run over by two carts. McCoy learned over to whisper at Kirk.

"Could've been me up there, too. Guess I got lucky. I don't think this is going to be so easy after all."

Suddenly there were shouts coming from outside, the door was thrown open and a monk in a gray habit came in, saying something. Everybody in the room ran out after him.

"I don't suppose you can tell me what he said, either, Spock?"

Spock walked over to the crate and picked up his equipment. He turned on the translator.

"They are yelling about a miracle. An ape is standing in the main square reading the lord's mass in perfect latin. I think that we have been provided with a diversion."

–***–


	6. No Exit Strategy

–***–

"Now smile and look happy, all right guys? We don't want to look like we're escaping, try to look like we were acquitted. Walk, don't run. Everybody else is running towards the square, it seems."

"This place is like a damn labyrinth of alleys. Besides, my ribs hurt like hell so excuse me if I'm not waving. How are we going to find our way out? "

"That will not take any great skill, doctor. We can see the city wall from here. If we walk along it we will surely come to a gate, or, failing that, to the harbour."

"Try your best, Bones. I don't know how far we have to walk to get in contact with the ship. This strange time field seems to reach outside the city walls and then some. There's a gate! Open, too."

"Unguarded. Seems like Lily-Lee created a pretty powerful diversion."

Outside the gate there was a line of carts and farmers carrying goods, waiting to enter the city of Visby. With the guards and the custom collectors gone to the square, the line was just getting longer and longer. The road ran east across a flat flowery landscape, dotted with houses and groves of low trees.

"Let's take that footpath northeast instead of the main road, there's less traffic." The footpath went up a slight incline and eventually ended on a cliff where they were rewarded with a view over the Baltic Sea, and down over the small semi-circular town.

"Sorry, boys, but I have to sit down for a while."

"Go ahead and rest, Bones. Nobody is following us, not yet anyway. We can see all the way down to the east gate from here. Spock, see if you can contact the ship. When you do, you beam aboard with McCoy and help Scotty figure out this time field. I'm waiting for Lily-Lee."

–***–

Later, when he was alone on the cliff, Kirk looked down on the city. _Where is she? Is she captured, put in a cage perhaps? They wouldn't kill a latin-speaking ape, would they? Is she counting on a rescue, or does she have some plan to get away? When I find her, I'll have to talk to her about her behaviour. Can't have her pulling stunts like that, it was . . . not appropriate. If I go back in, I have to disguise myself or I may get arrested. Perhaps I could . . . there she is!_

Something was climbing over the city wall, close to the north gate. At that point, the houses leaned up against the wall on the inside, one of the oldest was actually built with the wall above and around it. When she was climbing, Lily-Lee looked more ape-like than ever, partially because she had no clothes on. Kirk saw her struggle for a hold, but lose her grip. Fortunately the drop on the outside wasn't very high and below the wall was a grass-covered wide dry ditch that she rolled down into. _Did the guards see that? Damn, they did. I'm going to have to risk a phaser shot._ The guards on the northeast tower were aiming with bows and arrows, but apparently they decided she was running too fast. Instead they stepped aside to let a guard with a crossbow and bolt come up to the ledge. _No, we can't have that. I've already lost two crewmembers on this mission._ Kirk aimed his phaser and hit the crossbow before the guard fired. But Lily-Lee was running in the wrong direction, north and down to the sea. Kirk yelled but he had the wind in his face and it was impossible for her to hear. He still had his phaser out, so he aimed and fired a shot in front of her that tore up a scorched strip of grass turf. She stopped with a somersault and looked up at the cliff. _That was closer than I intended. Still worked, though._ Lily-Lee had changed direction and was running toward the cliff where he was standing. When she finally reached him he could see in her eyes that she was in full flight mode.

"We have to hide, come on!"

"They are not following you, look! Besides, I'm armed."

"We have to HIDE!" Panic was making her eyes shine.

"Okay, fine, here is a hole in the ground, we'll stay down here. Come here, I'll hold you. We should stay here, you see, because Scott will be looking for us here when the time field retracts."

She wasn't happy with the hiding place, which was just a slight rectangular depression in the ground, probably from some farmer cutting slabs of stone for the wall nearby. If you were lying down nobody could see you, but if you sat up then your head would show. Lily-Lee still wanted to flee further away and Kirk had to hold her down. It was like trying to hold a scared rabbit. It would be still for a while, but then it would start kicking again. Kirk got a swift kick in the stomach from her heel.

"Ooof!" He spooned her, held his grip and didn't let go. He stroked her skin to calm her down and tried not to hold too tight. He spoke softly and she started to relax a bit, her breathing slowed down. All four nostrils opened and closed for every breath. The heart rate was dropping, still very fast compared to his own but more or less normal for her. She took two deep breaths and found her voice.

"Could you please let go of my boobs? This is not the time."

"What? You snap out of you panic just to be prudish for the first time ever? Oh, it's ON, woman, I have a score to settle."

–***–


	7. In the Rabbit Hole

–***–

"Did you even have a plan on how you were going to get out of there?"

"Yes I did! I saw the church people yesterday in the square, talking like that, and then all the town people followed them out through the gates in a long procession. I figured I could make them do the same thing. Sorry, but I don't know much about humans or towns."

"So what went wrong?"

"They all seemed impressed at first. I put on my best ape manners to look harmless, but I made the mistake of smiling at the children standing in front. They were taller than me, but they must've been younger than I thought because I scared them when I showed my teeth. They started to cry and the whole crowd got angry."

"And you had to make a run for it?"

"Yes. But I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids."

Everything was now peaceful and covered in sunshine. Birds were chirping and seagulls were crying. The air smelled of warm ground, sweet clover, restharrow and yellow bedstraw. Kirk was pondering how to teach her a lesson in a way that would make sense to her. He couldn't do what she had done and take a "no" for a "yes", but why not the other way around? That could work.

"You're still holding my boobs."

"Well, look at that, I am! Tell you what, I'll move one hand. How about here?"

"Is that supposed to be an improvement?"

"Yep." He was holding his hand between her legs, but perfectly still. "Now you just stay still and be quiet so they don't hear us." He could feel her heart rate shooting up again. _It's not ME she's afraid of, that's for sure. I think I'll make a bet with myself that she can't stay still._

A butterfly passed by.

A second butterfly followed.

Kirk won the bet with himself. Lily-Lee was moving very lightly against his hand. He responded with a slight movement, slowly increasing to a rubbing. He paused to lick his index finger and then continued. Her thighs had been pressed hard together but now they parted. She was starting to moan.

"I said you should be quiet."

"I can't be quiet! I've never even tried to be quiet."

"Well, then I'd better stop. Like you said, this is not the time." Kirk took away both his hands and folded his arms over his chest. A third butterfly passed by. Busy day for butterflies.

"Go on."

"No, no, this is not the time. Scotty will signal us in a couple of minutes."

"I can come in under two minutes."

"I'm sure you can, why don't you go right ahead!"

"That's not the same thing."

"And I would like this to be a lesson about listening to what the partner wants. You need to learn that."

"Okay, I've got it. Please?"

"No more assults like that. I am responsible for the behaviour of my crew."

"FINE! Pretty please?"

"Now, the second part of the lesson is going to be about keeping it to off-duty hours." Kirk put his arms back around her. _Those nipples look ready for a pinch._ She gasped.

When the communicator signalled, Kirk had to answer it with his left hand since the right one was busy.

"Scotty, great to hear from you! We're ready to beam up."

"No we're not!"

"Sure we are, have you got our position, Scotty?"

"I'm not ready, no, I am . . . oh . . . I am . . . ah, ah AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"What's that scream, captain, are ye all right?"

"Beam us up, Scotty."

The transporter engaged and on the platform appeared captain Kirk, standing up, looking smug and dignified. Beside him was Lily-Lee, a wet and sweaty tangle of limbs lying in a heap on the floor, panting. He got down from the platform with spring in his step and briskly walked out.

"Get up, Lily-Lee. Time to get back to work."

"Now, lass, don't you make that rude gesture behind the captain's back! Who taught ya to do that?"

–***–


	8. Don't Get Mad, get Even

–***–

Spock opened the door to the laboratory and found Lily-Lee typing at the desk. She looked over her shoulder to see who it was and then resumed writing. She spoke without looking at him, choosing to stare at the screen instead.

"I owe you an apology."

"That is unexpected, as I came here with the intention of offering one myself."

"Really?" She tried to turn the swivel chair around but her feet didn't reach the floor so the dramatic effect was lost. "For what?"

"For entering your mind. A telepathic ability is not something to be taken lightly and on my home planet Vulcan there are rules both against doing so without permission and doing so for personal gain. In addition, it obviously caused you discomfort."

"I see."

"So I offer you an apology and ask for your forgiveness. May I say, also, that you have a very . . . compact mind."

"Compact?"

"I think that word is the best description."

"Hm. Well, you don't get to go through an evolutionary process that shrinks your brain from 1600 grams to 800 grams without cutting some extra bonus features."

"I assure you that nothing of importance appear to have been lost."

"Well, one thing sure has. Which brings me to my apology." She took a deep breath and looked up at Spock's unmoving face. "I'm sorry I put my clumsy feet down in between Kirk and yourself. I didn't understand – I still don't understand – the scope of your feelings."

"Vulcans do not have "feelings".

"Well, whatever it is that you have. It was new to me. My people, we . . . just have sex, you know? It's wonderful and fun, innovative and productive, but it's not a bonding process. We're not monogamous, we're migratory. When we go, we kiss the male goodbye and say "see you someday" and that's it. This love is more . . . like . . . the only thing we have like that is the mother-to-oldest-daughter relation. That can last a long time, up to thirty years if you're lucky. But that's something you're born into and can take for granted."

"Aha."

"I thought . . . how can I explain this . . . like I saw a thin sheet of ice on the footpath. I jumped on it to break the ice, just for fun, but instead of a puddle it turned out to be a sinkhole. Got in over my head."

"Due to your tendency to use metaphors based on natural phenomena, I find I can usually understand what you mean."

"Sooo, I forgive you, and you forgive me?"

"Certainly."

"I still have to apologise to the captain, though. I'll do it when I give him this report."

"What are you writing?"

"Chemical composition report on the new planet. The captain said it has to be ready before tomorrow, and I've been working seven hours and it's only half done. I'll have to keep at it all night."

"Captain Kirk said that?"

"Yes."

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What, a mineral, a category, or what? We only visited a place with calciferous ground, but I saw there must be other types because they used imported stone on some buildings."

"This was not a new planet, this was the old earth. We already have all the information we need on the chemical composition of earth." Spock walked up to her screen and pulled up the files describing earth, Baltic region, Visby. Lily-Lee just sat and stared with her mouth open.

"But I don't . . . why did he . . . he even made it an order . . . he . . ."

"Hm." Spock was very clearly smiling with half his mouth.

"Oh, I'm going to KILL HIM."

"I suggest you look at the bright side."

"I still have to write this, because he ordered me. WHAT bright side?"

"You no longer owe him an apology."

–***–

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> (Updated note: I have noticed that this is the most popular of my stories. Would you readers mind dropping me a note explaining why?)


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